Knowledge Of Grief

Begin with understanding grief....

THE FIRST PHASE IS SHOCK (denial). This begins with the news of the death, but the reality of the death may occur in a few minutes, a few days or even several months later. This phase "protects" you from the emotional impact of the death. A need to stay busy, confusion, an inability to express emotion, inability to function and an overwhelming sense that something is wrong without grasping the reality of the loss are common characteristics of this phase.

THE SECOND PHASE IS EXPRESSION OF GRIEF (i.e. bargaining, anger, depression) and may last for several days to several years. There are mental, physical and emotional manifestations that may come and go or appear in any combination.

THE THIRD AND FINAL STAGE IS ACCEPTANCE. You will know when you've reached this stage when you are able to recall memories of their deceased loved one fondly and pleasantly instead of painfully. Once acceptance has been reached, planning for the future becomes more realistic. A new and wiser individual will have emerged.

 

Coping With Grief

The intentional "work" of grief can be summarized in these basic tasks, which involve specific behaviors
(things to do to help yourself work through grief).

  • Recognize and accept that your loved one has died and is unable to return. Although this task may sound obvious, many people have a difficult time accepting the reality of a loved one's death and facing the harsh fact that the person is not coming back.

  • Experience all the emotions associated with the death.

  • Rather than attempting to suppress emotions only to have them come to expression later in more detrimental ways, you achieve a healthier state more quickly by giving full expression to all the emotions you experience. (as long as they do not express themselves in destructive ways)

 

  • Identify, summarize, and find a place to store memories of the your loved one which will honor the memories of that person and make room for yourself to eventually move on to a new volume in your life. Resolution of grief never means forgetting the loved one. Memories are precious possessions, but appropriate memories do not control our emotions on a daily basis. We are free to live life fully again in the present and remember the deceased when we chose to.

 

  • Identify who you are now, independent of your prior connection with your loved one. Basically, we are all individuals that is how we were born and that is how we go. In order to truly live a full and complete life, especially following the death of a loved one, we must once again (re)discover who we are individually and independent of the relationship we had with the deceased.                                                        
  • Reinvest in life as an individual without your loved one. You must learn to accept that all of life is marked by change. Each day calls for a new form of investment. You have experienced a deep trauma, but eventually this can be seen as an opportunity to "begin again" in a new and fresh way.

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